How to Not Let Gossip Ruin Your Friendships
By Cynthia Pulse
Have you ever had a friendship ruined by gossip? If the answer is yes, then you understand how important it is to learn how to control conversations containing gossip, and how to respond to such relationship busters. How much gossip one should listen to is personal, meaning each individual has his/her own level of comfort when it comes to listening to other friends gossip. The problem lies in how you handle what's being said, and how you respond to the things that are being said.
There are ways, however, to head off gossip without coming across as rude or inattentive. The best way I have found is to gradually change the subject. Another way is to politely say "well enough of this talk, lets plan our outing for next weekend" or something like "I guess she has her reasons for...., now lets get to cooking dinner." This would be more of a diversion approach, which I find works really well for me.
Gossip is a normal part of life I guess, but I'm here to tell you, less is more! If you control the drama that gossip creates, you will find your life more peaceful, less worrisome and stressful. We all know stress is not good for your health, and this is just one way we can help ourselves stay healthy. We were not put on this earth to scrutinize one another, I'm pretty sure.
How well do we like it if the gossip is about ourselves? I'm not to fond of others gossiping about me or my family. I'm pretty sure no one really likes to be the center of a gossip ring much. When we are enticed to add our two cents to a bunch of gossip, we need to ask ourselves "if the tables were turned how would I feel" then I bet there wouldn't be as much gossip going around. We need to all be thoughtful of each other.
Is there such a thing as good gossip? Sure there is! A gossip about a good restaurant boosts business. Gossip is basically the spread of news, be it good or bad. One way to control bad gossip is to use good gossip. When you get the urge to gossip about someone or something, and it might be hurtful, think twice. Go with the good gossip, and talk about the new restaurant going in down the street or what a great cook your friend Susan is, or how it is a beautiful relaxing day. Stay away from negative gossip and, if you just must gossip, spread the good kind.
Are You a Lousy Friend? Here's What You Can Do to Be a Better Friend
By Militsa Georgieva Militsa Georgieva
Have you ever felt like no matter how much you try you still can't always be there when a friend needs you? Have you asked yourself if you are actually a good friend, in reality? Or if it's just in your mind thinking that you are but in fact, not? Well, the only person that can actually give an answer to such a question is the friend himself. It's really hard to evaluate oneself because often we can't see how we really are. We might have one picture in our minds about ourselves but in fact, to be totally different in the opinion of other people. Not being a good friend to somebody doesn't mean though that you don't want to, or that you can't be. If you have the wish to be that good friend for somebody then you can.
It's really important that you learn to keep yourself calm and not explode to every little thing. That's a common rule in all relationships. Fighting and screaming have ones of the worst effects on people. If you want to have a real deep friendship with somebody it's essential that you also learn how to listen to other people without interrupting them. Getting to know somebody truly means listening to them talking and absorbing all they say, all they do. If you cut them off while they talk sooner, or later they will just stop talking about themselves completely and that results in ending of the process of getting a better relationship. If the other person is not opened to you anymore or just have stopped showing you more of their character then that means that person does not trust you anymore. Like everyone knows a relationship without trust has no future.
Really important is also that you spend time having fun. Making good memories is something, which is really essential for keeping people happy and being a good friend to somebody means trying to make them happy. By making them happy you automatically become happy too.
Friendship is a lot like romantic relationships. The only difference is that the love you feel for your friends is not the kind of love that you feel for a loved one. In both types of relationships is important to maintain good talking with mutual understand without putting your anger on the other one.All of that helps building trust and that's the base for all kinds of relationships.
7 Criteria for Having Sex Without Love Getting in the Way
By Tiffany Perkins Munn Tiffany Perkins Munn
Better known as 'friends-with-benefits' (FWB), this phenomenon--defined as a part-time, limited-time or even monogamous friendship between two people who enjoy physical intimacy with each other, but are not interested in being together long-term--is becoming more publicly-discussed and acceptable with the 2011 release of No Strings Attached with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kucher and the soon-to-be-released title with the namesake Friends with Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.
Same as Casual Sex?
No. The friendship aspect implies the opportunity to experience mutual support, affection and enjoyment and often fulfills romantic or emotional needs.
Same as a 'One Night Stand'?
No. One night stands are typically purely for sexual gratification.
Do Men and Women See Eye-to-Eye?
I was not surprised when my Facebook poll indicated that men are all for FWB (no big surprise there), but I was shocked and amazed--to put it mildly--to discover that at least 50% of women also indicated that with the specification of the boundaries and limitations (i.e., rules), they could see a friends-with-benefits relationship working.
Deakin University researchers say that women 18-35 years of age are as likely as men to enjoy casual sexual arrangements, but for different reasons. Women say these arrangements give them sexual confidence whereas men are more likely to say they enjoy the intimacy of the friendship.
Women and men over the age of 35, who are coming out of long-term relationships or have recently gone through a divorce, are also more interested in engaging in FWB.
An increasing number of people are entering into friends-with-benefits relationships so instead of telling you not to do it, which quite frankly is DEFINITELY (bold, underscore, italics, ALLCAPS!!) my advice, here are my seven recommendations for how to do it properly!
The Criteria
1. Honesty -- With yourself. If you are secretly hoping that your FWB will turn into a long-term relationship, don't do it!
2. Discretion -- My great-grandmother used to say that if you want to keep a secret, tell a dead person.
3. Focus on the task -- Clearly the physical aspect is a key benefit here. Focus on it and do it well!
4. Trust -- In other words, don't be territorial. You don't have the right.
5. Soberness -- Need I say more?
6. Acquaintance vs. friend -- If you pick an acquaintance, you don't have to worry about losing a friend when it's all over.
7. Rules -- Clearly lay out the rules. For example, is PDA allowed (Public Display of Affection)?
And, most importantly, don't say I didn't warn you!
Tiffany welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at tiffany@thenonnegotiables.com
All Tiffany Perkins-Munn, Relationship Psychology Examiner articles © 2011 by Tiffany Perkins-Munn; Reposts permitted with link to original article. All other rights reserved.
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